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#117 The first boy to treat you well

When you’re a girl in your teens and twenties, most likely, you’re drawn to the cool, motorcycle-wearing jacket jerk who doesn’t treat you all that well. Maybe it goes back to the days of your crush from when you were eight-years-old who pulled your ponytail or pushed you down on the playground because he was embarrassed that he liked a girl. So we learn that boys who are mean to us really like us. Maybe it’s a father thing where early on in your life when you were just learning about relationships by watching your parents, did you observe your father being unkind, disrespectful, or unaffectionate with your mother. Or maybe it’s a cultural thing where we watch tv shows like ‘Sex and the city’ which ironically is a show about the strength and empowerment of women, so we see the protagonist, Carrie Bradshaw fall hard for Mr. Big, a hot-shot, powerful and wealthy businessman who toys with Carrie for years before finally becoming a nice guy in the final season. Carrie was a role model for millions of young girls, and here she was, chasing the guy who treated her like crap. I was with Miranda on this one. So maybe it’s a tv thing too. Whatever the reason, it’s common for girls to be drawn to the bad boy.

Here’s the bad news though. It doesn’t work. You end up fighting to be treated better, then break up, then get back together, then breakup again. The cycle continues until you lose your mind or you realize that your criteria for a partner needs to be completely redesigned - which is exactly what you do.

Then a few years later, when you finally believe your new criteria, and stop reverting back to your old ways, you finally meet the first guy to treat you well. You’re in shock the moment you meet him because he looks like Jude Law. But he’s also incredibly kind, respectful, honest, patient, smart, humble and affectionate. He teaches you about how to be in a healthy, loving relationship. When you get upset about something, he knows right away and addresses it. I don’t mean he fights about it, gets defensive and blames you for the whole thing. I mean, he sits beside you and holds your hand lovingly while he asks you what’s wrong and listens intently. He cares. He really cares that you’re upset because he loves you and doesn’t want you to feel this way. When you’re finished talking, he asks what he can do to fix it. You are so amazed by this new compassionate and respectful approach that when you come to him with a problem, you now filter out what is your own responsibility and bring solutions to the table. He has taught you how to have a good fight, and as a result, how to become more connected at the other end.

He has taught you a new way to be in a relationship, and the way you should be treated. And THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING!


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