SITTING THROUGH YOUR KIDS DANCE RECITALS - “I loved every single dance number of that recital,” said no parent ever! You love your kid so you sign him or her up for dance classes. You want them to explore different hobbies and get some physical activity before you plop them on the couch in front of the tv, so you can take a breath (also known as washing the dinner dishes, cleaning the table, and making lunches). You want to expose them to all the different wonderful possible hobbies in life. And you don’t want them to be completely uncoordinated at a dance so that no one wants to dance with them, so they will never meet a partner, and will live happily ever after with you in your house. NO CHANCE! So you register for jazz, ballet, tap, hip hop, crump, or whatever it takes to get them out of your house.
Little do you know that you will have to sit through three hours of watching someone else’s kid prance around the stage like Elaine Bennis from Seinfeld. Yes, of course they are adorable in their little pink tutus and sparkled leotards. But the majority of them have no clue what they’re doing, and are trying desperately to follow the teacher in front of them, attempting to keep the mass chaos to a manageable level. Actually, it’s kind of funny when the scene turns into mass disarray; one kid twirling to the left, one to the right, one rolling on the floor, one leaping in the air, and yet another standing completely frozen with a look of a deer caught in headlights. And that’s just the first number. You’ve got twenty-nine more to go. In the first act. Yes, there is a second act. Sucker. And did I mention that your kid is only in two or three numbers total? You silently think to yourself that you are being punished for either something you did in a previous life, or something you did to your mother, who is right now sitting at home on her comfortable couch laughing her ass off at you thinking, ‘Payback’s a bitch, aint it?!”
But you sit through the torture because you love your kid, and a parent’s love is altruistic and unconditional. And THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING!
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